I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
