Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
How's work?
Spinning.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
