Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
...so i touched it.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
