i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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