no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
