Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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