So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
