We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
