The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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