So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
3 2 1 whiskey
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
