It's Friday. Sex?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
