so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize
