maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
