ya dads aren't the best wingmen
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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