just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
