Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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