I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
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