Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
