Say something about gay babies.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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