my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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