you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
