Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
