and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
