I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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