At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I've blown a few things in my day
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
