I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Slut skills are useful in every country.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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