the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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