Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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