Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
