I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
