I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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