his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
