and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
