Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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