it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
She just used a chaser for red wine.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
