Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
