i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
