Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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