im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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