Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
