Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
