Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
