There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
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