what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
