there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Randomize
