I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
