I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
