A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
