The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
