Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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