Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
